A few weeks ago, what was just another bit of news that was gradually growing suddenly exploded, before we knew it the whole world pretty much shut down. While we’re all getting used to staying home, practicing social distancing and finding a new normal, I personally have noticed on most days I’m feel one of two ways… guilty or exhausted.
I feel guilty for not doing more, accomplishing my goals and making the most of all the extra time I have. Then other days I just feel exhausted, the whole world just feels so chaotic and the news grows scarier and more depressing every day… is there anything else going on in the world today? Really, anything?
Life’s cancelled
It’s safe to say everyone future plans have pretty much been erased, calendars everywhere are looking blank. This time next week, I should be on a plane to America to spend two weeks on holiday with my boyfriend, a little time in New York and a long time exploring Disney world (a dream). I know others who have had to reschedule weddings, needed to celebrate millstone birthdays inside, to have a child and not be able to meet up with family.
While everyone has been affected on one-way or another, I think what is still most scary is the uncertainty of it all. If only someone could look to the future and tell us when this would all go back to normal, to give us a date and a time where we could simply pick up where we left off and shake off what still feels like a bad dream.
Guilty of feeling guilty
I’m a personal trainer based in a gym so within the last few weeks my business has gone through a big change. I’m so lucky to have clients who followed me at a time of such uncertainly (sending my love to any of you reading) and felt it was my duty to step up and carry on that support in any way I could. I’m used to being busy, being on my feet all day, classes clients etc. Right now my working hours are grouped into morning or evening online PT leaving me with the afternoon hours from wide open.
If I flick Netflix on instead of picking up my course book I feel like I’m letting myself down.
If I don’t feel like a home workout and take another rest day I’m a terrible example.
If I sit outside in the sun doing nothing but enjoying the weather I feel like I’m wasting time.
If it gets to 5pm and all I accomplished was my daily walk, the day was meaningless.
“I need to be productive, to make the most of this time”
I’ve put so much pressure on myself to be more productive than usual, to do more and accomplish more than I normally do. It makes sense… I have time, what else am I going to be doing? I know weeks ago I would have given a long list of all the things I would get done if I had more time in a day but now I actually have it, it’s not what I thought it would be.
This is the first blog I’ve written in a while because I’ve just not felt creative, like many others I’ve not quite been myself. When I feel productive and inspired that’s great, I get to work and focus. When I feel energetic I get a good home workout in BUT it’s also important to remember that this isn’t a normal time. Nothing about the world right now is normal and we don’t have to accomplish everything we ever wanted to do in a few months just because we are at home and have extra time.
I’m on week four of this lockdown life and if I’m being honest, only starting to settle into a fairly good routine now. Here are a few things I like to do everyday that make me smile and help me keep those negative emotions at bay.
Appreciate my favourite breakfast (my oats <3). I’m simply enjoying the fact that I can eat in own time, when I actually get hungry, relaxed at home, without rushing it so I can get to work
Exercise in some form – Whether it be a deliberate home workout or simply a long gentle walk in my local woods. Getting in that hour is so important for me, I always feel more like myself after moving my body
Write down a daily to do list in my diary – I always do this in my planner and I’ve enjoyed keeping this aspect of my routine. Sure some things might seem less important or urgent but they all have a place. Time blocking in when I will ready a chapter of my book, redesign programmes or check in with clients down to when I will sort through my clothes, have a movie date night or video call my friends. This all really helps stop your days feeling like they’re merging into one.
It’s ok
So while it may feel like everyone is baking daily, accomplishing some big goals redecorating their entire house or getting an amazing workout in every day… 1. We really don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes there and 2. It’s ok if you’re not having a picture perfect day or week.
It’s ok to spend more time than usual on Netflix
It’s ok to wake up later
It’s ok to not be working out your usual 5 days a week
It’s ok to lack focus to read a book or study and be productive because you now have the time
It’s ok to keep updated with the news and it’s ok to not look at it for a few days
It’s ok not to make the same effort with your appearance
It’s ok not to go for the walk if you really don’t feel up to it
It’s ok to over indulge sometimes
It’s ok to have a little cry
It’s ok to be scared
It’s ok to feel confused, anxious, angry and lonely
It will get better.
Wishing everyone a wonderful week of good health, sunshine and laughter.
