I used to hate clothes shopping with a passion! Actually, if I’m honest I still do but for a bunch of different reasons now!
I remember going shopping in my teens, I would find something I liked, pick the size I thought would fit and go with excitement to try it on. 8 times out of 10 it wouldn’t… I would do my best to fight it on and would get so frustrated when it wouldn’t. I would feel embarrassed and instead of simply going to get another size, I would just go.
I then remember the joy I would feel when I found trousers in my size were too big so I had to size down. The excitement I felt to know I would be wearing a smaller number.
I would read sizing charts online and see comments saying this top runs small which somehow made me feel better about going up in size, like hey it’s not my fault, it’s the top!
Isn’t it strange a number or letter no one else can see on the inside of your clothes can dramatically change how you feel about yourself on the inside.
Who else has hung on to clothes even when they don’t fit anymore?
I bought this beautiful maxi skirt many years ago but didn’t wear it much; when I tried it on again it was snug to say the least. I had to hold my breath to get the zipper up and then wouldn’t want to eat or drink because I was sure it would burst. I didn’t enjoy my night because I was so focused on what I looked like, if it looked tight if people would somehow know. Why didn’t I just get rid of it then and there? Pride or embarrassment perhaps? Maybe I wanted to get my moneys worth? That skirt made it out once and then stayed buried in my closet for years, looking at me when I opened the doors and making me feel unworthy.
I’ve had lots of clothes like that, lots of us have. Clothes you would try on only to get out of just as quickly because they feel too snug or you don’t feel like you can relax. Maybe you’ve still worn them when they were too tight and found your whole day was focused on holding your breath and not bending down instead of on enjoying your time with friends and family.
I’m not sure why I held on to those clothes. Maybe I thought one day they would fit again, I’d get smaller again. Either way it’s sad to look back on.
I like to be comfy, to be able to move about, eat and drink
I tend to shop online now and whenever I order jeans for example, I do so in a variety of sizes. If they don’t fit over my thighs, I don’t fight them on as I used to… I take them off ready to send back and move on to the next pair. I keep what feels comfy, what I know I can pick out of my wardrobe and know I will feel confident wearing.
Dressing for your body right now, in clothes that make you feel good and confident is important and an act of self-care. Buying a bigger size can be hard and scary but going up doesn’t make you less worthy or less beautiful. You aren’t a number, you aren’t a size. Wear styles that you love, clothes make you feel strong and confident.
